Leaving Religion

Hello Rabbi. I am writing with great pain. I have been married to my wife for 4 years, and we have 2 twin children aged two and a half. We kept Shabbat together until last year. Last year, my wife decided to leave religion, literally. She left Shabbat, does not believe in rabbis and commandments, and sometimes justifies Jesus. I am really, really hurt and do not know what to do. I will note that there is no chance she will talk to a rabbi or want to go for any consultation. I suggested, and she flatly refused. In recent months, when she did not want to immerse in the mikvah, I did not break and was firm, and we were a step away from the rabbinate. After that, I broke down and tried, saying maybe it would bring understanding and she would return to the path. But unfortunately, it only got worse. Moreover, she started dressing immodestly and even uploads pictures to social networks. When I tell her that it is disrespectful, that she is a married woman and has children, she of course says she will do what she wants and that I should not impose on her. On one hand, we sometimes get along and love each other, on the other hand, we are in pain because each is on their side with their firm opinions. And I am already at a loss. I tried talking to rabbis, and it didn't help... Maybe the way is just to end the relationship due to the huge gap that has developed between us? I am very grateful to the Rabbi.

Hello and Happy Hanukkah

It is very sad to read what you are going through. 

Of course, this is not a question that can be fully answered without hearing everything comprehensively, but I will try to set out some fundamental principles.

A. There are quite a few couples who live together despite having a deep spiritual gap between them.

B. The possibility that such a situation can endure exists when the marital relationship is stable and healthy enough, and then it is possible to cope with the spiritual gap. 

C. A clear condition for this possibility: the non-religious spouse's commitment to maintaining the religious spouse's ability to live in the home as a religious person. This includes a commitment to keeping kosher, purity, and preventing the imposition of Shabbat desecration.

D. If there is no willingness for these things, it is impossible to continue living together. 

E. The willingness to invest in adapting to the spouse's religiosity does not require agreement with the religious life itself. It is an understanding that the relationship requires investment, and a feeling of 'it is worth investing in the religious area to achieve the marital relationship I desire'. 

I hope I have opened up some understanding. 

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